I belong to the choir at my church. When life is spiraling out of control at home with our crazy schedule I often want to skip choir practice. In fact, my 13-year-old son recently reminded me one night when I told him that we were going to skip practice that night that "we made a commitment and the choir is counting on us. It's not right to skip." He was right. I went that night and was happy that I did. I was a part of the choir and being a good example to my son at the same time.
Commitment is very important to me. This makes me question my commitment to my weight goals. I've been pondering what it is that I am lacking lately. I've decided that it's commitment. I attend my WW meetings many weeks but not all. I track my food intake some days but not all. I stick to my PointsPlus Allowance some days but not all. I track my exercise some days but not all. This lack of commitment is making me struggle.
When I was new to the WW program I was committed 99%. I never missed a weekday of tracking. Yes, sometimes I would not track on the weekends but I just decided that I had used my weekly extra points over the weekend with my no tracking and would get right back in the game on Monday. I lost weight that way so it worked. Okay, now that I am typing this I realize that this must not have been true because my weight tracker has a number of weeks when I did not lose weight and a some gains too. I guess I didn't always get right back on Monday, but most of the time I did.
Right now I'm not even close to most of the time. I'm about 30%. Yikes! To put a number on it like that makes me realized just how sad my commitment is right now. I would be disheartened if my kids scored a 30% in their schoolwork. Why is it okay for me to give 30%? Well, quite frankly, it's not. It's not okay and that's why I'm just not feeling good about my efforts these days. I'm not happy with myself and now that I told all of you, I'm downright mad at myself. I've been fooling myself lately saying, "Oh, go easy on yourself. Who cares? Take some time off of worrying about it." Where is that getting me? That is not what I need right now. What I need is commitment.
So here goes. You have my commitment. I will commit to making this work better. I will commit to my weight goals. I will commit to making myself a priority too. I'm tired of waffling. I'm ready for commitment!
I was similarly concerned about my general level of commitment, and why I was letting my commitment falter. But recently I am finding more success by being focused not on my general motivational level, but on my moment-by-moment choices. Life is a series of moments. At a any particular moment, I choose to eat or not. When I eat, I try to focus more attentively to the eating to experience it - looking directly at each bite and chewing thoroughly and keeping myself very conscious of my choice to eat in that moment. I am also planning my meals ahead, so I know I can look forward to those times that I have structured for myself to eat. Then, when I feel like I want to eat but it is not at the time I have structured, I strive to work on my self-talk and thinking about that moment - why am I wanting to eat? The wish to eat is mainly a thought, and I can change that feeling if I change my thoughts. How have I trained myself that this is a situation I think I want to eat in? Can I retrain myself in this moment to make a different choice instead? What I really want is a different way of thinking and choosing my food and eating that will support a healthy, lighter body. I want to keep myself focused on this aim. It is sometimes uncomfortable to keep myself focused on this aim because my old habits want to pull me back into the familiar place of eating... but I am going to keep working on it and learning how to make the choices I really want to make.
ReplyDeleteIt's a constant struggle and room for growth Carol. I appreciate your insight. Thanks.
DeleteCorinna
Corina You are an inspiration and I think that your honesty is what makes me continue reading your blog. We are not perfect so we have to continually start over when we realize we are not where we want to be. I hope to reaffirm my commitment as well. Thank you!!
ReplyDeleteI like your attitude. We are not perfect. It's important to remember that. I'm so glad you enjoy the blog.
ReplyDelete