When, oh when, will I learn?

Picture taken by Gravityx9 and used with permission.


I've been on this weight struggle for about 15 years now.  I would think that after 15 years of watching my behavior with food, I would have learned so many valuable lessons that I would no longer struggle with food.   Boy, it sounds so simple as I type that.  It's just not that simple.

One thing that I am constantly learning is that this is a journey that I will be on for the rest of my life. I will never be "cured."  I will always have to be very conscience of what I am eating and how much.  As soon as I enter the mode of "mindless eating," I am sunk.  I have found myself in this mode several times over the past week.  It's sad really.  I've had such a great run of losses over the past couple of months that it's sad to me that I throw them away by eating mindlessly for a week.  It makes so little sense to me.  I guess that's because I expect better from myself.

I am tough on myself.  I think we all are.  We expect that once we learn something, we will get it right from now on.  As lovely as that would be, it's not realistic.  Overeating is a habit.  It is a habit that I have had in my life for a very long time.  It's a habit that I have worked really hard to change and every so often it creeps back into my life.  This week was one of those "every-so-oftens."  Unfortunately, it will show up on the scale this Saturday at my weigh-in.  That's something that I will have to face.  Then I will have to forgive myself and move on.  Actually, now that I think about it I am facing it now, forgiving myself and moving on.  Saturday will just be one of the ways that I reap the consequences for my actions.

Today is not a new week for me.  That leaves me a choice.  Do I let this week continue as it has been? After all, it's already going to be a gain on Saturday.  I could just chalk this week up as lost and eat myself into a food coma for the next 2 days, or I could gain control right now and hope that the scale is kind to me on Saturday.  I could see a 4 or 5 pound gain on Saturday if I continue my current behavior.  That would be devastating to me.  What good would it do me to keep up on my current path?  None.  Sure, I wouldeate lots of food but I wouldn't enjoy it and I would feel awful.  So, today is a new day.  I have 2 days before my new week to start my new me.  I look forward to the extra energy.  I certainly need it.

I will check in with you again tomorrow.

Corinna

"For thus says the Lord: Only when Babylon's seventy years are completed will I visit you, and I will fulfill to you my promise and bring you back tot his place. For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord plans for your welfare and not for harm to give you a future with hope. Then when you call upon me and come and pray to me, I will hear you." -Jeremiah 29:10-13