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| Sammy having fun on his first Merry-Go-Round ride as I walk around waiting to catch him at any moment.Walking in these circles reminds me a bit of the circles I have walked in through my weight loss journey. |
After Gabriella was born I was at the heaviest weight that I had ever been. I knew I had a problem but didn't really know exactly how to fix it. My life was busy. I now had a 4-year-old, 18-month old and a newborn. I was often tired but also sick of feeling so depressed about my weight. I didn't ignore it. I did try to do something about it but my attempts often felt like failures.
One of the most pivotal moments in my journey was the Mother's Day after Gabriella was born. She was born May 2nd so she was just a couple weeks old on Mother's Day. Bryan (being the sweet husband he is) got me a special Mother's Day present. Since this was my first girl, he went shopping at Target to find my baby girl and I matching outfits. He later told me of his adventure going from the women's department to the baby department over and over again to find something that would match. He said he eventually enlisted the help of a female employee. I opened Gabriella's sweet outfit. I can still picture her little jean skirt and neon yellow shirt. I opened my outfit too. It was a pair of jean overall shorts and a bright yellow and orange striped shirt. It was a cute outfit too. I loved wearing jean overalls during and after my pregnancies. They were comfortable and felt like they hid things a bit better.
When we put Gabriella's outfit on her she looked adorable. When I tried to put mine on, it didn't even come close to fitting. I know that I was only 2 weeks postpartum but it was a bigger size than I had previously worn and the thought of it being that tight made me so sad. I sat down on my bed and sobbed. Bryan consoled me and tried to encourage me by telling me, "Don't worry honey, we'll get you there." I had heard this before but didn't know if it would ever come true. It was nice of Bryan to say that he would help get me there but it was at this moment when I realized that it was something that I would need his support for but I was the only one that could really make it happen. I would need Bryan's support, I would need God's help, but if I wasn't completely ready to lose the weight the weight wouldn't come off. When was I going to make the commitment to become healthier? How many children would it take? I read all of the books to try feeding them healthy, when was I going to apply those principles to myself?
I would like to say that it was only downhill from here but being a mom with a 2-week-old baby, I knew there was only so much I could do. As soon as Gabriella turned 6 weeks old I broke out the WW books and threw myself in full force. I wouldn't go on feeling sorry for myself unless I was going to take matters into my own hands. I knew though that I needed help. I had Bryan there for support but he was not willing to count points. I started on my own with the outlook that if I could find someone to join me in my journey I would stick to it longer. I had a sister-in-law who just had a baby a month after me so when she was ready we started calling each other once a week to check in and counted points together. This was great for accountability but just as all best laid plans, if one of us didn't have such a great week, the phone call was easily forgotten. After some time the accountability phone calls ended and we were on our own again. Part of me thought that was okay because if I wasn't able to do it for myself I didn't know if I would stick to it anyway.
For the next few months I would go from relative to relative and friend to friend looking for the magical accountability to get the weight off. At one time or another I had a pact with my mom, 2 of my sisters-in-law and both of my brothers. These are the people I can think of now, I may have had more people on the hook that I am not remembering at the moment. I would go up and down on the scale and that would get frustrating. The encouraging part was that I would usually go down more than I went up so overall, I was losing weight.
When Gabriella was just 7 months old I got pregnant with Ethan. I know it sounds like that was a complete wrench in my weight loss efforts but trust me, I wouldn't give him up for all the skinniness in the world. The good news is that my weight loss efforts over the 5 months before his pregnancy proved to be somewhat successful. I started his pregnancy at a lower weight than I had started Gabriella's pregnancy. That was a step in the right direction - a direction in which I had not stepped since I started having children.
I gained 50 pounds with Ethan's pregnancy. I know what you are thinking: what happened to learning from your mistakes? Why didn't you gain less weight with this pregnancy? I don't know. I did try from time to time but I also ate plenty. I honestly find it very hard not to eat a lot during pregnancy. I also think that I wasn't on my healthy run for long enough before his pregnancy to make it a true habit. I had plenty of bad habits in my past that were easy to hold onto during Ethan's pregnancy. The good news was that I now knew that I could get that weight off. I had proved that it was possible with a lot of hard work. I just had to be willing to work hard enough.
After Ethan was born I knew what I had to do. I was now busier than ever. I had 4 children ages 6, 3, 16 months and a newborn. Somehow I was going to get past being a busy, home school mom and find some time for me. I remember calling my relatives again and enlisting help whenever I could. I remember watching what I ate and exercising only when I could. I told myself that I could lose the weight by watching only what I ate. I felt the necessity to do it that way because every time I would try to fit in exercise I would get frustrated with the kids hanging on my ankles of the lack of time due to household duties. In order for me to feel good about being a mom to my kids and still lose weight I decided to concentrate on the one thing I had no excuses for: what I put in my mouth. No matter how busy I got, I could always control what I put in my mouth. I could control the contents since I was the one who did the cooking and grocery shopping. I could control the portions because no one was force feeding me.
These efforts got me to a point where I lost all of the weight I had gained from Ethan's pregnancy. Since I had lost all of Gabriella's pregnancy weight before I was now working on Josiah's pregnancy weight. This was the way that I made goals for myself. I took the weight off one kid at a time. I struggled day in and day out, week in and week out. Again, I would get frustrated with myself because I would lose for a couple of weeks and then gain. Again, the light was that I usually had lost more than I had gained so overall I was making progress. Because of the gains though, it was a painfully slow process. Right now, as I look back at it, I don't feel the pain anymore but I remember getting frustrated with how slowly it was all going.
This frustration caused me to ask Bryan if I could officially join Weight Watchers. He didn't understand why I needed to do that. We are very frugal with our money. We are a large family working with a small budget and have always been that way. I didn't want to spend the money but I also didn't want to continue fighting with myself. I knew what I was missing, the accountability, ideas, tips and tricks that could come from the meetings. I had decided that if ate less due to the meetings, I could make up the cost with fewer groceries to buy. When I approached Bryan with my idea he said, "No, you don't have to join meetings, I'll be your accountability. I'll do it with you." He did. He counted points each day and lost 20 pounds in a couple of months. It was amazing. It helped me a ton to have him doing the program with me. It was just what I needed. Of course, I didn't lose 20 pounds in 2 months but I had lost some weight. After those 2 months he gradually stopped following the program. I kept at it as much as I could. Again, I struggled with some nice losses and then a gain. I was finding myself more frustrated than ever.
I voiced my frustration to my mom who was always happy to support me as well. She convinced me that after the holidays we would join WW together. Ethan was born in September 2004 and it took us until February 2007 to join a Weight Watchers meeting but eventually I did it. Joining the meetings was the catalyst I needed to get the last pounds off. I didn't lose every week. As I look at my weight record I see that I gained at least one week per month but I didn't give up. By the end of 2007 I had finally met my goal. I had finally lost all the weight that I had gained from having each of my children. In fact, I had even lost a little bit more. I had even lost some of my newlywed weight. I lost more than I even knew I could.
I am so glad I didn't give up. I was tempted to over and over again. In fact, I think I did at least a few times but I got my wits back and continued on.
I lost a total of 70 pounds. That takes into consideration my highest weight (after Gabriella was 6 weeks old) and my lowest weight (before Sammy was born). I'm not back to my lowest weight just yet (due to Sammy's pregnancy) but just like I kept picking up myself all of those years, I will keep picking myself up now and get back down to that weight where I feel just right. Until then, I'm willing to be patient and happy with my life that has gotten me this far.
Thanks for reading and joining me on this journey,
Corinna
"For thus says the Lord : Only when Babylon's seventy years are completed will I visit you, and I will fulfill you to you my promise and bring you back to this place. For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope. Then when you call upon me and come and pray to me, I will hear you." -Jeremiah 29:10-12
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Corinna